Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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