I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
