It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
