Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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