he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
