Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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