in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We need to get me chipped asap
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