Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
