Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
