Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
