I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
