yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
