1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
