Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
