you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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