so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
