Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
