it hurts more in the daytime
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize