Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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