i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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