Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
50% drunk capacity currently
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
