I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
