He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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