dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
