If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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