I seem to have left my pride at pride
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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