Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
