The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
