why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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