Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
