Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
