I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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