And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
