I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize