see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
