totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
