I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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