threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
