Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
