Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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