my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
