i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
