Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bring me that man meat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
