Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
