how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
