yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
