she woke up with a sticky ear
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize