She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
