let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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