This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
