how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
