Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
