I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
