I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
