32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
