maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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