haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
