ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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