you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
