I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
