I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
