I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex on a dog bed..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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