The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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