Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
