You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
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