I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
