Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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