Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
