You smell like stripper and shame
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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