yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
