So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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