I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
