I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
