YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
