oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
