When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize