Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
