FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
