it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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